Medieval Times

Two weekends ago we went to Medieval Times (MT). It’s a two hour dinner and a show with a...well “Medieval Times” theme (It was featured in the very forgettable movie Cable Guy with Jim Carrey). It looks like a big castle from the outside and as you walk in you’re greeted by knights and minstrels. If you’re familiar with Renaissance Festivals, it’s sort of like that—only indoors and without the smell, cigarette smoke, and abundance of “large guests wearing way too little clothing”....

I never had an interest in going to MT, something about eating around horses and too many bad memories of the renaissance festival I guess. But Mike always wanted to go, so for his Birthday I agreed to go with him. We decided to leave Zoe with a babysitter, even though it’s a family friendly event. We heard it was really loud (it was) and plus it is a two hour show and Zoe doesn’t do very good sitting still for that long.

When we walked into the castle we received our table number and then were directed to a huge waiting area that surrounded the inner dinning arena. Expensive gift shops were everywhere and Mike wanted a “Conan” goblet that was the size of a water jug. But the price made him think twice...he said he’d hold off until he had a matching 8 foot high throne to put in our dining room.

The inner arena is oval shaped with multiple level stadium-seating for hundreds surrounding the dirt “stage”. We sat in the back row and Mike’s brother Jim and his family joined us (going with a large group makes the event really fun). The seating is divided into sections, each a cheering section for one of the 8 or so knights. We were in the “Black and White Knight” Section. Our arch enemy was the Green Knight and we were instructed by our “wench” server to yell and scream for our knight but boo and hiss at the Green Knight. Yes we had a “wench” server and she looked just like Sandra Bullock. Mike thought I set it up (he has a crush on Sandra Bullock).

What’s interesting is that you don’t eat with utensils. You eat everything with your hands! The meal was chicken, ribs, tomato soup, potatoes, bread, and an apple pastry for dessert. It’s certainly messy and not very romantic, but the lights are low so no one sees you eating like a slob—not to mention it’s pretty fun!

While you eat, knights fight and joust and show off their horses and “lance through the ring while riding by” skills. There’s also a storyline but we weren’t really following it. Something about a prince being captured and a princess trying to find her one true love. Some parts were cheesy, okay a lot of parts were cheesy. But we really had a great time.

Our Black and White Knight fought through the challenges eliminating the other knights to become the hero knight. Each round he won he was given a rose by the King. The Knight would come over to our section and toss the rose to a “fair lady” in our cheering section. Of course, Mike stood up in the back row yelling “yoo-hoooo” while batting his eyes and taunting him with his white napkin. When the Black and White Knight saw this he looked a little scared and quickly rode off. In the end our Black and White Knight won the tournament, helped save the lost prince, and defeated the evil Green Knight! Take that Green Knight section!

Overall, we had fun time. I went in with very low expectations, but was really surprised by how much I enjoyed it. You’re there eating with your hands like a slob, yelling like a mad person to support your Knight, and heckling your arch enemy knight to the point of wanting to throw food at him...just because your wench told you to do so. And Mike had a blast and drove home air sword fighting and speaking in “ye olde English”.